The past several months have been a weird time for me. I’ve been unsure about a lot of things, and I didn’t really know what to chalk it up to. I thought maybe I was in a rut; I thought perhaps it was me experiencing reverse culture shock, but after being back in Canada for nearly six months I thought that would have passed already.
For a while I was feeling pretty down because I couldn’t find a job, now I have a job and it’s pretty awesome in a lot of ways, but I still find myself longing for something else. I’m not really sure if Calgary is the right place for me, but we’ll be sticking around for a while so I need to make sure it’s right for now.
I came to realize that doing things I love is a good way to make a place more interesting – going bowling often, seeing all the right people, and going to the gym is a good way to go. Life in the city is so busy – time is hard to find, especially after a long day at the office.
City life is very cyclical and routine. When we lived in the wop wops you never even knew what day it was. You didn’t have to wait five days to have another great day on the weekend. You could have an adventurous day any time you felt like it.
When you are on the road every day is different. You don’t really know what is going to happen, what issues will arise, and what brilliance in nature you may come across. In the city, I can predict my days with some impressive accuracy.
I know that most of these negative thoughts are all just in my head. I should be able to change it by being more positive, but sometimes it’s not that easy. I should be able to have an exciting life no matter where I am, but city life (Calgary life) seems to put a damper on my mentality. I think I need to have a job where I only work three days a week, four tops. That’s the goal. I’m pretty sure I could live off making less money too so maybe part-time would be more ideal later on.
I’ve never had a stressful job until now – it really sucks to take work home with you. I don’t even know if I handle stress well anymore. Maybe I’ve just had things way too easy all my life, who knows.
I’ve been thinking more about friends and how hard it is to prioritize people. It’s really different with everyone growing up, starting families, doing all their own things. It’s a challenge just to hang out with someone I used to see every weekend. Life’s not about partying anymore (thank god), but that makes it more difficult to hang with people for some reason.
Where I want to live, who I spend my time with, what I do with my days, and who I want to be seems more complex since I’ve been back. In the midst of all this deep thought, I got an e-mail from LinkedIn with the title “Encountering a Quarter-life Crisis? You’re not alone…”
I found it strange, but enticing. It makes sense that I’d receive this e-mail – I am in the age group of 25 – 33 years old in which a quarter-life crisis would take place. I’ve heard this term before, but I always mistook it as a phrase people just use when they are in a rut early into adulthood. Whatever it is, I think it makes a lot of sense. You can read the article here.
The article talks about how people in this age group often feel insecurity and doubt due to feeling pressures regarding their career, relationship, and finances. Financially, this is the most money I’ve ever had in Canada. Relationship-wise, Jessica and I are doing great. My career is basically booming, it’s just really stressful.
Since LinkedIn is business-focused, it makes sense that the article revolves mostly around the careers of young adults. For me, I suppose there’s more going on that I am unsure about. I tell you one thing though, the mountains are a hell of an escape. What a great way to get out of your own head – highly recommended.
My conclusion is that I’m just bummed to be back in the one place that I couldn’t wait to leave two years ago. We can’t really hit the road with the wild winter coming, so maybe I just feel stuck; trapped. Instead of being down about it, I could focus on the positives like going to the mountains, showing Jess what Canadian winter is like, and catching up with family and friends. It is tough to think about those things when all I want to do is travel.
On the bright side, it’ll be nice to be home for Christmas for the first time in two years…