Gluten-Me

In the last 24 hours, I have been gluten free. When I have a customer tell me they are gluten free, I automatically assume they will be high maintenance, and 100% of the time, I am correct.

In that short 24-hour span, I became frustrated by the lack of food options available to me, I was consistently hungry, I probably lost weight, and I turned into an asshole. No wonder the customers treat the staff like shit; their diet makes them miserable.

So much shit has gluten in it, and since I don’t have access to a grocery store, I was hard-pressed to find food around the house that fit into my new, very temporary diet. You don’t realize how much shit has gluten in it, and the ‘GF’ version of everything always has a nice papery texture paired with an extra special cardboard finish. They all suck ass or they don’t fill you up – like salad, salad doesn’t fill you up; salad is a snack or a side.

The head chef asked me what we want for dinner tonight, I told him, “Pizza, with extra gluten.” After going for a run, I had to be liberated. 24-hours in Hell was enough, and so I welcomed gluten back into my life.

I love you gluten, I sincerely LOVE YOU.

-Kuszie