Bird Murderer

Yesterday I woke up really sick. I was sore all over, my throat had closed up, and I was freezing but sweating. I still don’t know how I got so sick, but perhaps it’s because I have been surrounded by a demon in disguise – the Bird Murderer.

The owners of Raetihi Lodge let their pets come out for a while. They have a perfect dog in Gwenie, and a seemingly loving cat named Flower. Well, let me tell you one thing, Flower is a disguise for Satan himself.


After breakfast, Flower came up to Jess to show off what she had been up to all morning. She rubbed up against her legs as if wanting some attention, but really, she was exhibiting the most recent victim of her savagery.


She had slain a dear little birdie, who’s only fault was trusting her fellow animals out here in the wilderness. We couldn’t let Flower use the birdie as a playtoy, so we took it from her.

A little birdie deserves a proper burial, don’t you think?

At low tide, we took the birdie down to the opening of a stream leading into the Kenepuru Sound. There, we had the sad task of digging a little birdie-sized grave. Our little birdie had to be lay to rest, six-inches below.


After placing birdie in her tomb, Jessica said a very moving eulogy for the “birdie who never hurt anyone, it was just flying around this morning doing it’s own thing, little did it know it was about to die.”

We buried it with it’s new favourite seashell, as it would have wanted.


We had read about those companies that provide burial pods that use decomposing bodies to help grow trees after people pass away, so we wanted the birdie to have the same effect on nature, even after it had gone.


Realistically, when the tide came in, it probably swept the plant and the birdie out to sea. Either way, it’s better than Flower the monster having the satisfaction of parading around with our friend birdie.

Goodbye for now sweet birdie, we will see you in the afterlife.


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