After a night on the town yesterday, I now realise I’m actually starting to like Queenstown.
It was nice hanging out with pals and roaming around downtown like a drunken goon – just like I used to do back in Calgary. Maybe it was a taste of home? Maybe it felt new? Regardless, I’m still glad that I’m leaving.
The reason I left Calgary in the first place was this:
- Working a shit job week in and week out
- Getting wasted on the weekends
- Doing it all over again the next week
Moral of the story:
I was going nowhere fast. Running circles around myself.
The people back home that kept me loving life are the same people that keep me going across the world. I haven’t made many close friends since I left Canada. I have met a ton of people I deeply respect and want to get to know more, but I haven’t found friendly relationships that are consistent with the ol’ pals back home. Part of it is because I haven’t taken the time to get to know friends on a more personal level than working with them, part of it is that I haven’t made close friendships with anyone since high school.
I’m not sure what it is. Maybe I have a barrier that prevents me from letting people in?
The ‘Clifton Strengths Finder’ assignment I had while studying Human Resources in Uni made me realize a lot.
In this personality assessment, there are 34 talent themes that people can have. Our teacher asked us to pick five that we thought fitted us. After we read the book and learned about them, we took a test that helped us discover which 5 actually applied to us, on their scale of course.
The most obvious ‘talent’ for me was “Woo”. Woo, means ”
People strong in the Woo theme love the challenge of meeting new people and winning them over. They derive satisfaction from breaking the ice and making a connection with another person
I thought this was me. After reading and contemplating, I began to realize that Woo was a trait I wanted to possess, but surely did not – not without alcohol. It slowly became apparent that the real trait I possessed was ‘Relator’.
Relator means ”
People who are strong in the Relator theme enjoy close relationships with others. They find deep satisfaction in working hard with friends to achieve a goal.
When I came across this find, it made so much sense to me. The reason I haven’t made consistently close friendships with anyone is because I love getting to know the people who are dearest to me. The most common question I ask a buddy after having not seen them for a month would be, “so how’s it goin’ with the ladies?” Not because I want to know if their getting laid, but because a person’s love life is one of the deepest conversations two people can have.
I sincerely give a shit if my friends have found someone wicked to keep them ticking day in and day out. I know what it’s like – I have that fantastical feeling in my life right now, every day with Jessica.
The people I already know take a place in my life because I’ve set aside a portion of my heart for them to occupy.
Sometimes I wonder if there’s any more heart to give. I want to make close friends, I just haven’t succeeded in doing so. Not like I have back home.